title: Good Manners (Part 2 of 3)

Read Part 1

Clearly, then, good manners are fundamental in Islam. But why does Islam place such emphasis on them? Why should they weigh the most on the scale on the Day of Judgment?

Believe it or not, good manners are related to the aqeeda, or the basic Muslim creed. To have a sound aqeeda is to recognize that Allah is the only Lord or Creator and to know His different Names and Attributes. Together, scholars call Allah’s Names and Attributes His Akhlaq (Manners) with His Slaves. Scholars say that a true sign of piety and love is not only to know Allah’s Akhlaq but to try to imitate them. Obviously, it is impossible for us to ever reach His Akhlaq, but the more that we try to imitate Him, the more we show how much we love Him and want to please Him. Since Allah is the most Perfect, Patient, Honest, Just, Generous, etc, then it makes sense that we can never imitate Him unless we try to imitate His good manners.

Let’s think about this the opposite way…let’s think of a person who does not try to imitate Allah (Exalted and Sublime is). Since Allah is the most Honest and never breaks His Word, one person who does not try to imitate Allah is a liar, who breaks his promises. But wait…the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said,

“The signs of the hypocrite are three: when he speaks he lies, when he promises he breaks his promise and when he is entrusted he betrays the trust.”

Thus, to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), a person who lies, breaks his promise, etc is very close to being a hypocrite or one who gives off an outward appearance of faith but who does not actually believe. It should be evident, then, that when we display poor manners, we are showing signs of a weak faith or a faulty aqeeda.

It might seem dramatic but it really isn’t. Here’s an example that should help illustrate this point more fully.

Eight years ago, Mustafa Hosny used to work in the sales department in a company charged with taking medicines from factories and distributing them to different pharmacies across the country. Because he was in the sales department, it was his job to sell the medicine and to receive its payment after a certain time frame. One day, he went to go collect the money for the medicine he’d sold two months earlier. (The medicine cost thousands of Egyptian pounds). Before entering the pharmacy, he went to pray zhur in the mosque in front of it. He was happy to see the pharmacist there. They prayed, standing next to each other in the first line behind the imaam. After the prayer, Hosny went to the man’s store and asked him for the payment, but the man refused to pay. Hosny explained to the pharmacist that it wasn’t fair since the pharmacist had already received the medicine; it was only fair that the company got its money he reasoned. The pharmacist, however, insisted that he wasn’t going to pay. Hosny tried a different approach, reminding the pharmacist that he was potentially putting Hosny in trouble since Hosny had been in charge of the sale. Hosny told the pharmacist that he was worried that the company would deduct the cost from his own personal salary. The man told him he didn’t see any problem if that happened since he reasoned Hosny must have gotten a bonus when he’d made the sale. To the pharmacist, that meant he’d already helped Hosny. When Hosny heard that and realized that the man was unwilling to change his mind, Hosny threatened to pray against the man. Completely unperturbed by this comment, he reminded Hosny that the best time to make dua is while one is in sujood.

Here was a man who made sure to pray in jamaa right when the adthan rang. He had a long beard and he looked like a very religious person. Yet, when he was confronted by Hosny, he showed little respect and even less concern of what Allah  might think of him. But what was the real problem with this man? The real problem was that the center of his world was himself. Sure, he prayed and he tried to follow the sunnah. But only when that suited him…when it came to actually having to lose money, he put himself above what is right.

How is this related to manners? It’s completely intertwined. Having good Islamic manners is practicing Islam or true submission. Allah commanded us to be kind to our neighbors, to be polite with our parents, to respect the elderly, to be honest with each other, etc. When we choose not to practice good manners, we put ourselves above Allah’s command and thus, we display lack of faith. For example, when a girl is rude back to her mother (notice her mother was not polite first), she put her ego and self above Allah’s commandment to always respect one’s parents. When she did that- when she chose to use bad manners back, she did not just show her lack of anger management. She showed a lack of faith because in her list of priorities, saving her ego was worth more than what Allah loves. On the other hand, people who practice good manners show deep devotion to Allah because they not only try to imitate Him and His prophet, but they put Allah’s Commandments over their own selves.

Read Part 1