title: The death of baby Masih

This article assumes a few things, I know, this story is still very fresh and there is a lot we don’t know so while this article is based on this story, it’s really just some thoughts on the human condition particularly the mentally fragile condition this mother may have been in.

UPDATE: Babys name may actually be Misoh, the news articles reported both names so I don’t know which was the correct name.

UPDATE 2 April 25th: The lawyer for Narjes (the mother who is an Iranian immigrant to the US) has made a statement discussing her mental health history and how it may come into play in the coming trial. In the article he mentions that she has had several hospital stays for mental illness including one after the birth of her 3 year old child and is diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder which puts her at higher risk for Postpartum Psychosis. They mentioned that she had not been able to bond well with baby Masih (not uncommon even among women who don’t suffer from mental illness) and she had recently expressed fear that someone with negative energy might harm her children. He described her as “very soft and very quiet”.

Parnham [the lawyer in this case and the case of Andrea Yates who drowned her children while suffering from Postpartum depression/psychosis] and Russell Yates, the father of the five children drowned by his former wife, both said they hope the community keeps an open mind about mental health and women who suffer from postpartum depression.

Early public discourse after Andrea Yates’ arrest didn’t include much discussion about the severe effects of mental illness.

“The awareness of postpartum illness has improved. I don’t think it’s such a taboo,” Russell Yates said in a telephone interview Saturday. “I think Andrea’s case helped to raise awareness of postpartum illness, and I think on the whole we have a better understanding. … It’s hard to blame someone for becoming ill.”

Yesterday I posted an Amber Alert link on my facebook profile for a baby in Houston, Texas, this is how the story read:

An Amber Alert has been issued for a two-month-old boy who police say was taken from his stroller in southwest Houston.

Masih Gulabbaksh was abducted at approximately 5:30 p.m. Wednesday by a male in the 8000 block of Woodway Drive.

The story goes on to describe a suspect.

The emotions that go along with hearing of the abduction of a child are the same regardless of what community the child is from, you always feel like it’s your own child that’s missing, but this hit slightly closer to home because he was also the child of a Muslim family.

The devastating truth

Trigger warning: Death of a child and PPD mentioned.

The devastating truth came this morning when I got up. Baby was found, dead. Not only that, his own mother had apparently buried him alive.

According to the family she was being treated for mental illness, apparently she had suffered from depression for some time and was possibly experiencing Post Partum Depression or Psychosis after her precious son was born, he was only 2 months old. She’s undergoing mental evaluation at the moment.

Postpartum Depression

Occurs in anywhere from 5-25% of women. Postpartum.net says 1 in 8 women will deal with PPD. But how many of us are aware of it? Especially in the Muslim Community, what do we know about PPD and what do we do to support new mothers who may be having a hard time?

Can’t think of anything? Me neither.

According to Wikipedia, these are the symptoms:

Symptoms of PPD can occur anytime in the first year postpartum^[5] and include, but are not limited to, the following:

• Sadness^[5]
• Hopelessness^[5]
• Low self-esteem^[5]
• Guilt^[5]
• A feeling of being overwhelmed
• Sleep and eating disturbances^[5]
• Inability to be comforted^[5]
• Exhaustion^[5]
• Emptiness^[5]
• Anhedonia^[5]
• Social withdrawal^[5]
• Low or no energy^[5]
• Becoming easily frustrated^[5]
• Feeling inadequate in taking care of the baby^[5]
• Impaired speech and writing
• Spells of anger towards others
• Increased anxiety or panic attacks
• Decreased sex drive

Then there is Postpartum Psychosis, this is actually different from PPD and includes a complete break with reality, psychotic episodes.

If you’re a mother, you’ve been there.

You know those nights where the baby won’t sleep, won’t stop crying, won’t feed (or your milk supply is low so baby is hungry). Yeah, you know those nights, they don’t call it Baby Bootcamp for nothing. Imagine that you suffer from depression, or you are experiencing postpartum depression (scroll up and read the symptoms again, and imagine yourself experiencing that on one of these nights, or the morning after). I’m not excusing or explaining away what happened yesterday to that precious little boy, many of us go through very trying times with our kids and we don’t harm them, we haven’t quite been there, but we know how hard it can be with a small baby.

What’s happened is a horror unimaginable, baby Masih’s face will not leave my thoughts for even a moment for the next couple of days, it will haunt me and I will wonder how on earth a mother can do that to that precious, helpless little baby, I’ll wish that she would have just left the baby with someone else, given him away, something other than this! I’m angry at her, how dare she.

But I’ll hurt for her too. There’s a human being behind this story, not a monster but a woman, a mother. What pushed her to this? What was she experiencing when this happened? What was going on before this happened? What made her think there was no other way?

How do we prevent this from happening again in our community?

I wish I had the answer. Awareness and Support are two things we need to work on as a community for sure and I do believe that awareness is one of the key components of prevention.

Reach out to new mothers around you and offer any support you can, even if you just go for a cup of tea and hold the baby while she sleeps or showers, change a diaper/nappy, bring her a meal, babysit her other kids for her or help them with homework, help her clean the house, get other sisters to help out too. A beautiful sister I know had a baby a few months ago, another beautiful sister filled her freezer with pre-cooked meals she’d made herself. Do something like that!

One of the most important pieces of advice I was given before I had my first child, was don’t be afraid to ask for help. ASK! If you need help, ask. Don’t put on a happy, coping face if you are not coping. If you are thinking things that worry you, call your Dr, if you feel you might be losing control, call 911 (or the emergency number in your country) or go to the hospital. Remember, you are not alone, other sisters have been there and made it through.

Our sisterhood can only be strengthened by being there for each other as much as we can at the aqiqah celebration AND on the difficult days and nights. Sisters have mentioned going to aqiqahs and seeing the new mother up serving everyone and making sure everyone has food and is comfortable etc. this needs to stop, it’s a time for the mother to rest and be celebrated, and the left over food? (that isn’t being given away for sadaqa) Leave it for her, she needs the break from cooking so she can focus on her new baby and herself.

Whatever made sister Narjes Modarresi commit this horrific act, she at least deserves our prayers, her 3 year old child who is really going to suffer through this, needs our prayers and her husband Amir Golabbakhsh and family need our prayers, May Allah give them sabr (patience) and help them through this unthinkable event amin.

Mothers are special and babies are precious, take care of each other sisters.

If you think you have PPD or know someone who you think is at risk, please call: 1-800-994-4PDD or go to their website.