On Aasiya Hassan’s Murder by Naazish YarKhan

title: On Aasiya Hassan’s Murder by Naazish YarKhan

When I was deciding on a husband, one of my criteria was that my spouse be the kind of guy who’d never hit me. A calm temperament was absolutely essential. My husband claims I had low standards. “Wouldn’t you expect personal safety in any marriage?” He teased. Growing up in India in the 90′s, news reports of brides being torched to death by their in-laws for bringing an insufficient dowry and maids being slapped around by their drunken spouses were commonplace. Alas, marital violence really wasn’t something unheard of.

Last week, with Aasiya Hassan’s frightful beheading at the hands of her husband, Founder and CEO of Bridges TV, my fear seemed reasonable once again. My South Asian community is in shock. Blogs are abuzz claiming that this is yet another example of how barbaric Muslims are and how my kind shouldn’t be allowed into the USA — Their venomous rantings leap off the screen.

Anger rises in my chest. Aasiya Hassan’s murder is not about Muslims or Pakistanis or South Asians. It’s about domestic violence. Each day, more than 600 families call the National Domestic Violence Hotline in America. They all can’t possibly be Muslim, can they? Why don’t people focus on the issue, instead of making this about ethnicity and religion? I want to scream.

Domestic violence happens among American Christians, American Jews, American Atheists, as much as it happens in India, Pakistan, Bangladesh or among American Muslims. I could roll statistics off my tongue, but even as I recall those numbers I know I harbor a dirty secret. Aasiya Hassan’s murder is not about the teachings of our faiths, but it is about the way that many, in both the Muslim and Hindu communities, treat domestic violence.

Yes it’s true that domestic violence cuts across all barriers. But, we as a community are guilty of averting our eyes, labeling domestic violence a “personal” problem, advising our girls to be “patient” and “work it out”. Leaders in the community, especially women leaders, lecture women ad nauseam on the values of covering up a husband’s faults. We teach our daughters that some marriage is better than no marriage. Muzzamil Hassan had been divorced twice before, both times on the grounds of domestic violence. Was there no one in the Muslim community who could have spoken up to warn Aasiya ? Or, like some parents, were Aasiya Hassan’s folks just eager to get a daughter off their hands.

When South Asian women do muster the courage to complain of abuse, they are not always believed, or they find they don’t have their family’s support. Some learn that they are bringing shame to their parents and families. Even educated, earning women are taught to fear what society will say, and are told to worry that their children will be seen as offspring of a broken home. Self-sacrifice and martyrdom are glorified.

Watching Changeling, I couldn’t help but think how one mother’s heartbreak eventually led to so many positive changes. Aasiya Hassan’s murder is horrific, but perhaps her story will give our community reason for pause and encourage countless other women to journey out of violence.

Ms. Naazish YarKhan is an editor and writer, living in Glendale Heights. Her by-line has appeared in over 31 publications including the Chicago Tribune, and her commentaries have aired on NPR and Chicago Public Radio. She has completed work on her first novel.

Originally published March 3, 2009 on The Huffington Post.

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4 Responses to “On Aasiya Hassan’s Murder by Naazish YarKhan”

Author

Date

Comment

UmmNyla

August 27th, 2010
7:34 pm

aSalaam uAlaikum sis! Mash'Allah this is a great article, about a topic that many are too afraid to discuss. I have known someone in a similar situation, who was married to an Arab, and when scary domestic situations took place was told by her in-laws to "be patient" that all men went through this and she should learn to not provoke it.

It is scary and sad to me to hear that kind of advice. Instead of holding the man accountable for his horrible, haraam actions, the woman is made to feel it is somehow her fault and is told to be more patient.

Insh'Allah as a Muslim community we can start standing up more to our brothers and letting them know that domestic violence will not be tolerated. Insh'Allah we can provide our sisters with the much-needed support so that there will no longer be the excuse of "where would I go?"…"how would I support myself?"

May Allah bless and guide us all. Ameen.

Author	Date	Comment
Lisa Marie	August 31st, 2010 4:09 pm	Assalaamu Alaikum uhkti! MashaAllah this is a great article and much needed. I am a divorced mom of 3 daughters and I am also a victim to domestic violence. I am raising my daughters on very little $ but we always have food, a place to stay, and clothes to wear, alhamdulilah. Women who are victims of domestic violence need to have somewhere to turn, especially if they have no support system. They also need to be encouraged to remember that Allah provides for us all, and that no woman needs to stay with an abusive husband. There is a HUGE difference between covering up ones sins and covering up abuse. That isn't what Allah wants for us. Ameen to UmmNyla's dua!

Author	Date	Comment
kegann (ann) peters	September 7th, 2010 8:55 pm	Waleikum Salaam. Domestic violence knows not race or religion. The physical and mental and verbal abuse can take its toll on not only the women but children in the home. When children are witness to the abuse, they become victims too. Their reactions can manifest into drug and alcohol addictions, promiscuity, being in an abusive relationship, or being the abuser. It is best to get out as soon as you can. Seek counseling if needed, find someone to confide in and find a network of people to help. I was embarrassed and blamed myself as do many victims.Shame keeps the abuse secret. No one deserves to be hit, called foul names, or made to feel unworthy. The shame belongs to the abuser.!!!! and they should be held responsible for their actions…..

Author

Date

Comment

Bintul Jannah

January 26th, 2011
10:01 am

AMEEEN! I started Pink Anonymous so I could help fund non profits who help Muslim women. After my friend left an abusive relationship (she later returned to her husband and he moved her out of state) we realized there were FEW shelters for us to turn to.

Now that I have a daughter I want to make sure the resources and infrastructure is out there should her or any other muslima need it. I feel its part of our duty when we were commanded to stand up for justice.

May Allah swt grant us all hidayah and the strength of character to practice His swt deen properly. ameen.

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On Aasiya Hassan’s Murder by Naazish YarKhan

Posted by Naazish YarKhan

Naazish YarKhan is an editor and writer, living in Glendale Heights. Her by-line has appeared in over 31 publications including the Chicago Tribune, and her commentaries have aired on NPR and Chicago Public Radio. She has completed work on her first novel.
See all 3 posts by Naazish YarKhan