Muslimas Oasis » Today with UmmHend

[Poem] Power Lines

Emma Apple — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 01:24:38 +0000

Glistening.

The life that clings to the lifeless.
The tender quivers of a last breath.
The gentle letting go.

Falling.

The vapor that is left behind.
The clutching of moments.
The evaporation.
The faded existence.

Gone.

August 13 2011 Emma Apple. Inspired by raindrops and the East Africa famine. The title describes the circumstances of the inspiration and the division between the power and the powerless that has contributed to the disaster in East Africa.

Where to shop for Eid

Emma Apple — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 17:02:12 +0000

So Eid al-Fitr is about a week away and no doubt many have already started their shopping. Here are some ideas for places to shop for Eid.

Clothing

Modesty Styles is a family run business, not just any family, the Beg family. Tayyaba designs most of the clothing they sell, I met her last year at ISNA and got some clothes from her booth, they are very well made, fit gorgeously and the designs themselves are lovely. Modesty Styles is running a store wide 15% off sale for Eid (and an Eid decoration contest as well).
Shukr this well known clothing store with some unique and modern modest clothing styles. I’ve owned Shukr clothes for years and they are gorgeous! Click their ad in our sidebar to go to their site >>>
The Souq has a huge range of gorgeous Hijabs (many exclusive designs!) and Halal goodies.

Gifts

Al Qur’an Classes what an awesome Eid gift! These are online classes for learning recitation of the Qur’an.
My Halal Kitchen Products if you have a foodie in your life, this is where you want to shop for their Eid gifts! I’ve seen (or own) many of Yvonne Maffei’s products and they are gorgeous and great quality.
Modest Beautiful Muslima Magazine is a free online magazine published monthly. However you can purchase print copies as well, if you have a Magazine lover (or better still an MBMuslima fan!) in your family, get her a few issues of this gorgeous and unique magazine.
Love Nyla is a custom Hijab Pin and jewelry store run by a work at home mother friend of mine, definitely check out her gorgeous designs.
Ummi’s Diaper Cakes a very cool Eid gift idea for someone who has a new baby (or will be having a new baby).
Up a Notch custom sweet wrappers. If you’re hosting an Eid party or want to give a unique gift.

Kids

Noor Kids we recently reviewed Noor Kids on MO so you can read the review to find out why we think these would make a great Eid gift. There is 1 day left for their 50% off Ramadan Sale so act fast!
Jannah Jewels we’ve also reviewed Jannah Jewels here on MO, this is a great option for kids who are ready for more reading than is available in Noor Kids. Read our review to find out why you should get Jannah Jewels this Eid.

Alternatives

Donate some money on behalf of family members and give them a card with the details of your donation on their behalf (something like “I donated to the such and such fund on your behalf for Eid” you don’t have to say how much). We have a page of where to donate for African drought relief.
Donate some toys and clothes to a shelter, a charity or a family in need. If your kids are old enough, discuss those who don’t have enough and let them help choose some of their own toys to give or help them choose something new to buy and donate. Check out Nour Domestic Violence a muslim run domestic violence support organization.

What are you getting for your family members? Where are you shopping?

What’s it like to live with Autism?

Emma Apple — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 19:16:45 +0000

I’m one person, so I can’t tell you what it’s like to live with Autism, but I’m going to make some observations, and I’m going to try.

If you want to know what it’s REALLY like to live with Autism, get to know some Autistic people who can tell you (with their voice, or not) their perspective, each will be different.

Get to know your average teenager Carly, Gifted poet Emma (both of whom happen to be non-verbal and “severely” Autistic), Neurodiversty Activist Corina, Psychology today blogger Lynne Soraya and Animal Rights activist Dr Temple Grandin. The most striking thing about these people when you first ‘meet’ them may be that they are not Autistic, they are extraordinary, everyday People, with Autism.

Each statement in this article, is based on my experience, or another persons experience I have read or heard about, this article does NOT sum up the entire experience of Autism, doesn’t even begin to attempt to, it’s just a glimpse, a conversation, an invitation.

As a parent

For a parent Autism means many things, and different things for each parent. Sometimes it’s very hard, and sometimes, it’s a beautiful gift.

It is like never hearing your teenagers voice, but communicating in ways that you would otherwise not even notice.

It’s like, taking your 4 year old on that trip to the playground they are so excited about, even though you know it’s going to mean an hour or 3 meltdown (or tantrum of all tantrums) when it’s time to leave.

It’s like a change of plans that’s going to devastate your 5 year old and mean a tough few days (or more) for the whole family while they adjust.

It’s like getting a whole new perspective on the world you never would have had. Seeing, hearing, smelling things you otherwise wouldn’t have noticed. Thinking about things you otherwise never would have considered. What if the world ran out of toothpaste?, What if we only had a thumb and no fingers?, You’re right, parrots that talk are personified in real life.

It’s like allowing your child their own way in the world, and standing back, like any parent does, but knowing much of the world isn’t going to understand.

It’s like not attending that get together because you know it’s going to be too overwhelming for your child.

It’s like going to that get together anyway, and watching your child walk backwards and forwards, oblivious to the other children.

It’s like having all the beans from a bean bag spread all over your house. Every day.

On bad days, it’s like having your parenting scrutinized, criticized, questioned, picked apart, blamed etc. On good days, it’s having your parenting praised, supported, advised, understood, accepted, celebrated, replicated.

It’s like parenting, from a different angle. Much of what children on the Autism spectrum need, are things that all children need, only more carefully planned, more structured, more tailored, more sensitive (and more sensory).

As a child with Autism

There is a quote in the Autism Community “Different, not less” and that is the attitude we should take to children on the spectrum.

It’s like lights that are too bright (or not bright enough), sounds that are too loud, smells that are too strong (or not strong enough) and people that hug too tight.

It’s like finally finding that one thing that feels just right in your mouth or on your skin, and not wanting to let it go.

It’s like listening to your favorite song, or favorite sound, on repeat.

It’s watching your favorite show, and memorizing the whole script.

It’s like wanting to tell everyone you belong, but not being able to make the words with your voice.

It’s like this world wasn’t quite designed for you, but doing your best to learn how to live here.

It’s like wanting to play with the other kids, but not quite knowing what to do with them.

As a sibling

It’s like hearing people use the r-word and knowing it is degrading to your sibling.

It’s like knowing how to be humble, loving your sibling unconditionally, but sometimes feeling like it’s just not fair.

It’s like your sibling getting all the support, and knowing you need it too. Or being able to talk about it at a sibling group, with other siblings of people on the spectrum and having them understand.

It’s like a special connection with someone, you know other people don’t have the gift of having with them.

It’s like learning with your sibling, and learning from them.

It’s 10-50% likelihood of having an Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Click here to view the embedded video.

As an adult with Autism

There is another saying in the Autism Community “When you’ve met one person with Autism, you’ve met one person with Autism.” It’s different for everyone.

It’s like a conversation about Autism, that doesn’t include you.

Click here to view the embedded video.

And we’re free

Emma Apple — Mon, 28 Feb 2011 07:09:54 +0000

From a spark in Tunisia
Freedom awoke
Water canons in Egypt
And the people spoke

The sound of bullets
Drowned out by the beat
Of hearts in unison
Of defeating defeat

Footsteps from Tunisia
Chants in Egyptian
Joke’s not on Libya
Unity in Yemen

Fire in the street
Tahrir in the square
Yalla Everybody
We’re almost there!

Red streets
Green books
White flags
And we’re free.

Year of revolution

Emma Apple — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 05:10:04 +0000

I have dreamed
I have seen
I have wanted
To be free.

I have yelled
I have screamed
I have asked
To be free.

I have bled
I have died
I have fought
To be free.

I am peaceful
I am powerful
I am determined
To be free.

I am men
I am women
I am the people
I am free.

Ask Google to change their logo

Emma Apple — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 20:50:26 +0000

Update February 7th: Wael Ghonim was released today alhamdolillah. Let’s keep offering our prayers and voices to those who remain detained, who have died and who are still calling for freedom.

Wael Ghonim is a Google Middle East Employee who is missing in Egypt since Friday the 28th January. Read more about Wael’s story.

There is a new campaign on twitter by Wael’s friends and those who care to try and get Google to change their logo in support of Wael.

See the tweet here asking google to do this: http://twitpic.com/3w5q60

I wanted to add my voice the best way I know how so I created the below image to add my voice and art to the call. I hope Google is listening and that they will not only change their logo to support the search for Wael, but also take an active and urgent role in searching for him and/or calling for his release if he is detained.

You have permission to share this widely and add to it if you want to.

Art & Article in MBMuslima Magazine

Emma Apple — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 02:03:38 +0000

Salam & Peace all, Please check out Modest Beautiful Muslima Magazine’s February issue ‘The Thikr Issue’. I have Art for Egypt, Gaza and other art on the front cover and my recent article about the situation in Egypt also appears in the issue.

Read it here for free! http://www.mbmuslima.com/index.php?p=1_49

You can also support MBMuslima by purchasing a print copy (february issue isn’t up as of this posting Feb 2nd but will be up soon inshaAllah) http://www.magcloud.com/browse/Magazine/135225

Turning a Tantrum into a Teachable Moment

Emma Apple — Thu, 09 Dec 2010 07:44:23 +0000

It started as a breakthrough of sorts, Madam, who will have a panic attack at the mere suggestion of new movies or even new episodes of old favorites like Thomas and Friends, or even old episodes we haven’t seen in a while, that same Madam, wanted to watch a movie that many children would find frightening. She’s always had a sort of upside down sense of fear, some conventionally scary things scare her, but usually it’s the mundane that frightens her and she doesn’t seem to mind a lot of scary things (relatively speaking of course, she is 5).

So, at her request, of course, I put on ‘How to train your dragon’ excited and interested to see her reaction, watching very closely for often invisible and denied signs of anxiety, prepared to turn it off if the anxiety levels got too high (I want to push her comfort levels, but not to the point of vomiting for the rest of the day, as has happened many times before).

Alas, Little Brother (3, not on spectrum as far as we know) wouldn’t have it. It was him that ran out of the room screaming in a panic this time. So I turned it off and calmed him down while Madams meltdown over the movie being turned off escalated.

I’m not sure how but at some point thereafter I was sitting on the couch while both children cried loudly and took turns screaming at each other. I just watched, and laughed at the ridiculousness and helplessness of the situation, this was in many ways an unusual presentation of a very usual and common experience in our home, what could I do? Here’s a 3 year old whose language and reasoning is still quite basic, who needs things spelled out slowly and clearly, and a 5 year old who has great difficulty understanding empathy and thus, understanding why we can’t watch a movie that terrifies her little brother. Who do I calm down first? How do I resolve a meltdown that is centered on an Aspergian childs lack of understanding Empathy? I didn’t know where to start.

I waded into the screaming and switched on a YouTube clip of Elmo singing ABC with India Arie, they both like this one (I have it saved on the computer) got down to little brothers level and explained what I was turning on and that there would be no more dragons, sat him on the couch with Blankie and Dog (Toy) while I whisked Madam away to the bedroom to try and convince her to breathe deeply and find her calm.

So there I was down at her level, trying to hold onto my own calm, and there she was, still screaming and crying because she simply didn’t understand. When it hit me, I would use this opportunity to teach empathy, at least, I’d try. So I sat her on her bed for the lesson. Because we homeschool we have a big whiteboard on the bedroom wall and lots of colorful whiteboard markers. She calmed down somewhat when she saw what I was doing, Madam’s fierce love of learning and brilliant mind is always a most valuable tool for me as First Teacher, and is an immense gift when trying to teach her to cope with the more difficult side of Aspergers (the “issues”).

I explained as I drew 2 stick figures, one with long hair, one with short (Madam and Little brother) that each of us has our own bodies, and inside our bodies, we each feel our own feelings, and that everyones feelings are different. I drew a computer (we don’t have a TV so the computer is where movies are watched) next to each figure and wrote a phrase above each.

Above Madams computer “Let’s watch Lion King” (a source of anxiety for her), I asked Madam how it makes her feel when I say that, “Scared, Worried, Sad.” I wrote these words down under the computer. Then we talked about what her body feels like and labeled her stick figure; from the eyes ‘Cry’ from the mouth ‘Scream’ from the heart ‘Heart beats fast’ from the stomach ‘Stomach hurts’, from the legs ‘Run away’.

I then went to little brothers computer and wrote “Let’s watch dragons” (referring to the movie I’d just turned off that frightened him which was the source of Madams meltdown). I asked Madam how she thinks Little Brother might feel when I say that? “Scared, Very Worried, Sad”, I wrote this list under his computer. Next we discussed how he may feel inside his body, we labeled his body, led by Madam, much the same way as hers was labeled.

She got it, she calmed down, she perked up, she understood. Breakthrough. They say people with Aspergers “lack empathy”, I know this to be very wrong, they may have trouble understanding and expressing empathy, but they lack nothing.

We summarised and talked further about how each person has their own body and feels different things inside their body, about how when Madam is feeling one thing, Little brother may be feeling something completely else. I drew an arrow from Madam to “Let’s watch dragons” with the word happy and explained that it makes her feel happy, and drew an arrow from Little Brother to the same sentence and explained that it makes him feel scared.

Madam wanted to know what I felt in my body when she wanted to watch something I did not want her to watch. I drew myself a stick figure with “Let’s watch birds” (referring to a YouTube clip I don’t like) next to it. I explained that it doesn’t make me feel anything in particular in my body, I just don’t like it. So I drew an arrow from my head “Don’t think it’s nice.”

Madam has asked about the Dragon movie since then but accepts that we can’t watch it while Little Brother is around because it frightens him. Little Brother is still (a few days later) feeling anxious about the Dragons, especially when new things are put on for them to watch (i.e. documentaries he’s never seen) but he does not have meltdowns or severe anxiety reactions so I am able to calm him down quickly.

(Click to enlarge)

Viva Palestina 5

Emma Apple — Sat, 02 Oct 2010 04:56:50 +0000

Viva Palestina – Long Live Palestine is an Aid convoy that began in January 2009 as a response to the 2008-2009 Israeli attack on Gaza and the several-years-long blockade that has deprived every day Gazans of the most basic necessities including medicine, food, clothing, books, fuel and building materials.

George Gallowa y and hundreds of volunteers and supporters collected humanitarian aid and set off in a convoy from Britain to break the siege of Gaza. The first Viva Palestina convoy entered Gaza after many struggles both physical and political, breaking the siege of Gaza on March 9th 2009.

There have been several other convoys since the first in 2009, and the one which captured the attention of the world was of course the Freedom Flotilla. The flotilla ended tragically 31 May 2010 with the Death of 9 activists on board the Mavi Marmara when Israeli commandos raided it in international waters to prevent it from reaching it’s destination – Gaza (the flotilla was organized by the Turkish IHH and the Free Gaza Movement while Viva Palestina participated), I watched it unfold in real time on Twitter and Turkish news and it only strengthened my resolve to speak up for Gaza. There have been other ships attempt the same voyage (including the recent Jewish Boat to Gaza) but none have yet to dock in Gaza.

As we speak, Viva Palestina 5 ‘Global lifeline to Gaza’ is well on it’s way to breaking the siege again. 500 vehicles starting from 3 different locations (London, Casablanca and Doha) and carrying much needed medical supplies and educational materials are descending across Europe to Egypt where they will cross into Gaza (inshaAllah).

Click here to view the embedded video.

As a Kiwi, I am ecstatic to say that there is a delegation on this convoy from Kia Ora Gaza, a New Zealand organization that is raising money and delivering supplies to Gaza with Viva Palestina 5. Kia Ora Gaza is still about $9,000 short of their $100,000 (NZD) goal and have asked me to appeal for them, I am glad to oblige. Learn more about Kia Ora Gaza (Charitable Fund) and how to donate to on their website. Kia Ora Gaza’s co-founder Grant Morgan also sends your messages of support to the team on the convoy so send him an email to grantmorgan@paradise.net.nz and he’ll pass it on.

“Assalamu alaikum! I bring a warm message of international solidarity from the people of New Zealand, in the South Pacific, on the other side of the world.” Kiwi Team captain Roger Fowler beginning his speech to a mass gathering in Istanbul’s Ayub Sulaiman Square.

You can also donate to Viva Palestina (British Charity) through their website. And of course, spread the word, your voice is powerful, so use it!

I’d also like to share with you the art below which I created in support of the convoy and of Kia Ora Gaza (please ask before saving or using this image elsewhere, I generally give permission for activism art as long as it isn’t changed, but it’s nice to be asked first so I know where it is). You can also order a print from DeviantArt (and if you’re a member, favorite or collect it!).

(‘Kia Ora’ is a Maori phrase meaning loosely ‘Be Well’, it is used as a greeting, a statement of appreciation and agreement. Perhaps, a statement of solidarity. ‘Kia Kaha’ is a statement of support translated as ‘Be Strong’ but holding a much more significant meaning than the English can convey.)

Interview with the mother of a convert (Part 1)

Emma Apple — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 05:40:29 +0000

This is the first in a three part interview with my Mother, Pam (known here as ‘Kuia’). She is an inspiring woman with a rich history and from it, much wisdom to share. An avid reader, a spiritual person and a mother in the richest sense of the word.

The first part in this 3 part interview is about her experience of having one of her 3 daughters become a Muslim (that would be me). The second part will be about her experience as a single mother who raised 3 daughters mostly alone and her advice for others in a similar circumstance. The third and final part of the interview will deal with the topic of rape and sexual abuse.

These interviews are as much about her life and experience as they are to share her wisdom with you, that’s why the second and third topics were chosen.

For now, Part 1, the mother of a Muslim convert (or revert as I prefer).

Tell us a bit about yourself.

I was born in 1954, so am now 40yrs old (lol) at least I don’t feel older than that. Age is but a number.

My ancestors, as far as I know, came from Ireland, Scotland and England and I am a 5th generation pakeha kiwi (white New Zealander). During my childhood I learnt very little of Maori or the history of our country. Our education was very British in those days. During my daughters’ childhood the maori education system began so I learned a lot while they were growing up and felt shame that I had known so little. The things I learnt could fill another whole essay!
I have 3 amazing daughters, now mostly grown up at 28, 26 and 21 years old. They’ve given me 4 precious moko (grandchildren) aged 5, two 3yr olds and a 2yr old…….. to be continued we hope.

I have always enjoyed children and their development fascinates me, which led to a strong interest in psychology of humans and my early training as a Karitane Baby nurse. I do not really enjoy learning at ‘school’, but have often gone back to try again as an adult at university-type institutions. The expectation of regurgitating other people’s thoughts I find extremely pointless, though the information part of it is often interesting. I am an independent thinker.
I spend as much time as I can reading. My tastes are eclectic as it is possible to learn from almost any reading, including the wonderful world of the internet. Special favourites are historical novels, texts on history, psychology, sociology, anthropology. I have many favourite novels as well, including Wuthering Heights, Always Coming Home, the Dune books, Clan of the Cave Bear series, the list goes on…… poetry by Shakespeare, Emily Bronte, Kahlil Gibran, another list that keeps on going. Mythology too.
Also I love animals, plants, nature, the ocean (especially wild coasts like the west coast of Aotearoa (New Zealand)).

Interested in politics, though very disillusioned by the establishment years ago!

Talk a bit about your spiritual beliefs.

My spiritual life began as a child with a mother who is Protestant and a father who was a lapsed Catholic. My father’s mother was a devout Catholic, so I was baptised in that church and began my schooling in a convent – brainwashing in my opinion with church services 3 times a week during school hours.
During my adolescence I turned to Christianity more than once, trying out different churches, until I became disillusioned at the age of around 17 with the un-Christian behaviour of leaders and congregations. Real spirituality is sadly lacking in today’s world.
Since then I still have belief in a ‘higher power’ though I believe it is too huge a concept for mere humans to understand. I believe in the prophets, that there are sometimes very special people with more understanding than the average person of things spiritual. I also believe that people then warp their teachings and so I don’t follow any religion but have respect for others and our planet. I pray my own way for guidance and help and have been supported in my life this way.

What was your exposure to Islam before your daughter reverted?

I had read about Islam but all I really knew was that it was a religion of the Arab culture, with the Quran as their ‘bible’.

What were your views on Islam before?

I thought it was repressive of women, patriarchal to the extreme with much abuse of women who were kept in the home and allowed no freedom. I thought all decisions were made my the male head of the family. It seemed very distant and foreign.

What were your biggest concerns about your daughter becoming Muslim?

As above, I worried that she was getting involved in a religion that was extremely foreign to us and that she was not looking at the negatives. She was a very spiritual child and had been searching for a religion to belong to, trying Mormon and Baha’i before finding Islam and feeling that it was right for her. I called her my ‘fairy child’ as she did not seem to be grounded in the same way most people are.

I was being told many fearful stories by other people in our life – of abuse of Islamic women and hatred and murder of western people being a central belief of Islam.

What were you not worried about?

I reminded myself that I had brought my girls up to be independent thinkers and to learn for themselves about the world. I had been careful to allow them to develop their own spiritual beliefs as no-one has the absolute answer to the big questions. She was getting copious quantities of books on Islam and meeting women who were muslim so was educating herself – and me.
I had to remind myself that I had to let go at some point, though it seemed to be coming too soon, she was only 16!

How did you feel about the Arab fiancé?

Very confused thoughts and very concerned that he may have dishonest motives for encouraging my daughter. She had met him on the internet (a new concept then) and spent a huge amount of time chatting online as well as on phone calls with him. She had not been ‘in love’ before so was very inexperienced and idealistic to extremes.
Once she had convinced me that he was ok, I then worried that he may also be being misled by older men who may have wanted a girl with a NZ passport, for their own motives. Sept.11th had happened, everyone was very fearful and NZ passports are ‘safe’ compared to other countries.

You are by far not a racist person, but you had some fears about your arab son-in-law-to-be, what do you think created or fed the fears you had about him?

Media saturation of stories of terrorism and Arab hatred of westerners and other people feeling the need to remind me of their one-sided fears. I was recommended to read the book ‘Not Without My Daughter’ by more than one person. I did read it though not until after learning enough to calm my fears. People often asked me the question “how can you let her?”. Obviously these were people who had not raised a teenage girl! But it still led me to question myself.

How are your feelings about Arab men different now from what they were then?

I have little experience of Arab men apart from my son-in-law, who I love for the way he treats my daughter, my moko (grandchildren) and myself. He is kind and respectful and takes very good care of my precious girl and their babies. He listens to her opinions on everything and does not expect her to always defer to him, though he still has the final say on big decisions. This is no different to men here in Aotearoa (New Zealand). My personal experience has been of angry and abusive (non-arab) men and he is NOT like them.

What was your reaction and your feelings about hijab?

At first she didn’t wear hijab, then made a date when she would start to wear it so we had time to get used to the idea. I was nervous about her safety, the harassment she would get from others.
I was also nervous and unsure how I would feel living with my daughter’s beautiful hair being covered and how different she would look. How would I feel? Well we, my other 2 girls and I, got used to it quickly – her sisters were very protective of her and would not let anyone put her down in their presence!
Family and friends did not understand, though most family kept their thoughts to themselves. I think many family members thought it was a ‘teenage phase’ which would eventually fade.

You’re an avid reader, which books did you read during this time and how did they help or not help?

I read many of the books on Islam that my daughter brought home and found that much of Islam was very similar to Christianity. The belief was in love and peace, which set my mind at rest. I read some parts of the Quran as well.
I also read some autobiographies as well as ‘Not Without My Daughter’ – recommended to me by so many people – which is a scary biography of a woman mistreated by her Arab husband and his family. This I left until after I had gained some knowledge and I knew from experience that some women suffer this awful experience in all cultures.

How have your views changed about Islam in the past 9 years?

My views have gone from ignorance and fear to knowledge, acceptance and pride in my daughter for sticking with her chosen religion.

I spend a lot of time defending Islam and attempting to educate others. My reading and knowledge continues to grow.