How To Cope Through Miscarriage
You’re feeling the signs, could you be, could you not be? Then you see those two lines and its confirmed that for the next 9 months you’ll be awaiting that new addition to your family.
For many mothers out there they won’t be meeting their baby until they get to the gates of jannah.
Muadh (Radhiallahu Anhu – May God be pleased with him) narrates from the Prophet (peace be upon him) that ‘Muslims do not lose three children except that Allah will cause the two parents to enter Paradise through the favour of His mercy towards them.’ They said, ‘What about two, Oh Messenger of Allah’ He said, ‘Two also.’ They said, ‘And one?” He said, ‘Even the miscarried child will indeed drag its mother with its umbilical cord to Paradise.
For many mothers who have been in the same situation as I have, then you have dealt with the loss of a baby, a pregnancy that was not meant to continue.
One day those lines came confirming what we thought would an exciting 9 months of is it a girl or boy? Wow another baby Alhamdulilah! For over a period of time there was constant pain and something was just not right. As much as I dreaded going to the doctor this was an issue that could not wait. I sat waiting for the lady in the ultrasound room to make a face or something so I could read what she was thinking. Like a statue or guard holding the worlds biggest secret she did not show or say anything. I waited patiently until the doctor came and he gave me news that my pregnancy was no longer and thus I had to have surgery to remove what I thought was to be my child!
My heart sank at the news and I was scheduled for surgery the following week. SubhanAllah in all my 28 years I never had surgery and was not only heart broken by my loss but scared to be put to sleep and having surgery. Alhamdulilah I went through the procedure but afterwards I was a mixture of emotions. I felt this article is necessary for other mothers to learn how to cope with the loss of a baby.
What You Can Do:
- Support– Thank Allah for my sensitive husband at that difficult time. Some women want to be alone and some want comfort. Support is always needed in either direction you chose. My husband, he took extra care of the children so I could have time to myself to think and rest. Family and friends around makes the process easier as they will give you your space but make sure that everything else is taken care of.
- Duaa (Supplication)– At this time you are not able to make salat, but you can make duaa to your Lord to give you ease and comfort. Accept the fact that Allah gives the real confirmation on whether something is meant to be or not, and not the pregnancy test we put all our hope in. Making much duaa and turning to Allah can soften the heart. Some women go into the “Why me?” mode and while there are many reasons one could have miscarried, it would be to no end questioning all the reasons your pregnancy did not continue. Allah knows best and He gives ease and we must simply turn to our Lord, not away.
- Cry– some women need to cry about it and release that frustration of hurt and disappointment inside. There is nothing wrong with crying, and if you need to do that to move on, by all means take a minute and shed a tear or two. After all this is an experience that can really be heavy on the heart.
- Talk about it– Yes, this is important. It is not healthy to hold feelings inside and allowing it to eat at you. Talk to Allah, and talk to the loved ones Allah has sent in your life. It really helped me to be able to be open to my husband, after all he was experiencing this as well. Talk to women who have been through the similar experience. I reached out to family and they comforted me in their words and showed they care.
- Keep optimistic– Know that many women experience miscarriages and go on to have many healthy and safe pregnancies. After my first miscarriage Allah blessed me with three boys back to back and with this recent miscarriage I know my Lord does everything for a reason and if He wills it, I will have another child. If you have children already be thankful for the one or ones you have and know that our Lord knows best and we do not.
- Read– Alhamdulilah Allah is Merciful and He rewards the women who go through this hardship and test. There are hadith on women who miscarry and also for those who are patient in this life.
Allah says “Those who endure with patience will be rewarded abundantly.” (39:10)
Everything is a test from Allah and how we respond is what matters. Do not despair and have problems with what Allah has decreed. I ask Allah to give those who have and are experiencing this, ease and comfort and that He makes us bear our trials in the best way ameen